I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
