Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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