Dual....:-)
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
