i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
