There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
