I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
