she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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