I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
