Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
