I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
