I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
