Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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