I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
