Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
