Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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