his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
