the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
