think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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