did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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