I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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