I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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