I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
