So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
