At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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