I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We left the knife in your bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
