apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
