my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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