I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
