There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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