Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
