I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
