My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
