I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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