New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
