There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
