It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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