okay pat passed out under dana's car
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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