Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
