And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
