when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
