Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
