you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
