Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
