Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
