Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
