Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
