When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize