we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
