3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
