My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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