Plan B is the new Plan A
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
