I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
