yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
