Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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