Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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