You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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